After a bike ride home from work that included a phone call to my dad, I realized that although I'm exhausted and stressed out, I'm happier now than when I wasn't.
I felt way more content at work.
I don't feel an ounce of loneliness.
I feel much more productive.
Whilst I'm crazy over wedding planning, taking on the challenge of being Charge Nurse at work for a couple of weeks (which includes working waaaay more days per week with fewer days off than I'm used to), volunteering at Bard on the Beach, making social engagements all crammed into really teensy tiny bits of time, and doing a thousand DIY projects for the wedding (the dress included), I'm feeling more myself. Sure, I'm neglecting things like doing to laundry and grocery shopping (but who has time to eat at home anyway?), but I'm okay with some of these sacifices to do the things that are making me feel good.
I actually couldn't believe it yesterday when I thought to myself: wow. This has been a really good week at work. And I'm in charge. But I'm not freaking out. I feel confident. I feel confident at work. Whoa. That's unexpected. Where did that come from?
My dad helped me figure this out. When I mentioned how stressed I was after asking them to come and visit me in Vancouver to help with the wedding, he reminded me that I do this all the time. I consistently stack a thousand tasks and obligations on myself. I always freak out. It's always my fault for havingdesigned my life this way. But why do I always design my life this way? I always manage to get through, and I almost always come out the other side feeling successful. Am I a glutton for punishment? Do I thrive on chaos?