Saturday, November 27, 2010

"I Hope You Die and Get Raped in an Alley"

Sage words from a man I'd refused to buy an umbrella from "so [he] can buy some food since [his] stomach aches so bad coz [he hasn't] eaten and nobody cares" for $1.

I'd declined him politely, jokingly saying that I've already got an umbrella in my bag with me, but as I continued walking through an intersecation, I could hear him grumbling to himself before asking another unsuspecting couple. We ended up walking the same direction for about a block, at which time he unloaded the precious gem I wrote for a blog title today.

I generally do that kind of thing when homeless and street people ask me for money; smile and politely decline. I haven't got to the point yet where I'm jaded to them so I try to make myself feel better for not sharing my wealth by remembering that I'm a nurse who works with mental health kids and that I'm already doing my part to help vulnerable people. And the homeless people generally reply with the same smile-and-nod-but-try-to-make-you-feel-guilty-about-it look.

So I had a moment when he fired a pseudo-curse back at me. I thought "Well, jeeze. That wasn't a nice thing to say. Plus now I feel less comfortable walking around downtown alone tonight" (which is what I was doing). And then I realized that I'd hit the "no" wall. I'd told this guy NO. I meant it. And he got mad. AND his reply was certainly not one that was going to make me then want to give him something. I resolved that he was angry because he needs money not for food but for a fix of some sort and he's cranky because he's overdue. But it certainbly made me feel better about getting a bad response after I told someone no. Yay me! I'm still learning that trick. People can't always be told yes, so I can't expect that they're always going to be o.k. with being told no. And it's probably not personal. I just might get asked to Die.

Should I be ok with that?

Thursday, November 25, 2010

Gosh, It's Nice Outside

Bonjour neige! Comment allez-vous? Je vous ai manque!

Snow just always feels more French. Something about snow hotels and Bonhomme de Neige/ Bonhomme Carnivale at Carnivale de Quebec maybe...?

But that doesn't much matter. Today, it's been snowing all over BC. Snow in Vancouver. Snow in Kamloops. Snow at Sun Peaks (fingers crossed!) for snowboarding tomorrow! Snow!

Sure, it's cold stuff and I harbour a deep hatred for all things that make me cold, but there's just something about snow that I like. I'm sure the same's for you too, reader. We have a love-hate relationship with it because it looks so nice, but it makes us lose control of our cars and drives our heating costs up....

I'm going to watch it fall while I make spaghetti and meatballs for my folks tonight. And then I'm going to help shovel it off of the driveway or else we won't be able to get out of the house tomorrow!

Lookin' good.

Update: Boy was that post cliche. I'm sure 1000 other bloggers wrote something similar. But I suppose I wasn't going to say that Snow can burn in hell....coz I guess it would never make it there (too hot, of course)

Saturday, November 20, 2010

First City Snow!

Two days ago it snowed in Vancouver for this first time this year. It's the start of my first winter in the city! I'm really glad it snowed when it did...

Thursday at work was a really tough day. Of the 10 beds, 5 of the kids were under 1:1 supervision. 1:1 supervision means usually that they have a history of aggression or unsafe/unpredictable behaviour. Usually, we'll care for maybe 2 "1:1's" at a time. Having 5 is really unsual, and it ended up that way because a few children who were supposed to be safe during their stay ended up having aggressive meltdowns after being admitted.

So anyway, it was a day when kids were in and out of the seclusion room (or their bedroom, depending on whichever was closer) like it was a revolving door. At one point, the girl I was watching said "why are all the adults grabbing the kids all the time? It's like a jail!" I tried to keep in mind that her comprehension of the reasons why adults needed to hold kids and bring them to safe spaces was low, but it's really tough to hear. I just got really run down trying to be stoic and enforcing rules and being yelled at, and listening to kids crying (crying because they've been put in their room for hitting staff and being told they must complete a time-out), and feeling totally ineffective as a nurse and feeling like I just don't belong in that particluar workplace.

When I walked out the doors of the hospital after my 12 hour, gruelling shift was over, I started to cry. I'd been trying to keep things together for the sake of the team, so once I wasn't on the clock anymore, I just let it go. And it didn't help that I was being released to walk alone in the dark, in the pouring rain, to my bus stop a few blocks away.

But about half way to the bus stop, I realized that the rain wasn't as heavy anymore. Still as many drops, but...lighter. I looked towards the streetlamps and could see that much of the rain had turned to big, fat snowflakes. They were gorgeous. And they made me happy. I sat in a place on the bus so I could see the snow coming down in front of me. It wasn't much, but it really made

I was Thankful.

Monday, November 15, 2010

Meters and Meters

Today, I'm buying meters and meters of fabric!

I took the skytrain this morning to go to Fabricland to purchase a basic pattern, and then 13meters of broadcloth for sewing a demo wedding dress. Lots and lots of fabric! I can't wait to start sewing that one. The pattern isn't very difficult, but the hard part will be tailoring it to fit properly, and to make sure it's sturdy and supportive. I won't be describing the dress in too much detail because I know that M reads this blog and I don't want him knowing too much about it!

But, after coming back home and cleaning Jude's house, I have to trek out in the rain again to go to another fabric store. I'd bought a pattern for a dress/outfit to wear to a friend's wedding in December, and she wanted me to wear some sort of red to match M since he's a member of the wedding party. Anyway, Fabricland didn't have what I wanted, and Dressew will definitely have what I want. I'll be doing all of the buying today, and then maybe start on one of my three (I'm also making M an advent calendar made from fabric pouches that can be hung from the tree - or wherever) sewing projects tomorrow. So much crafting! yay!

I doubt sewing this wedding dress of mine will be an easy task, but I feel like if I start working on it now then I won't be stressed out about it later when it's crunch time. I (currently) ahve loads of time to work on it, and make mistakes, and tweak, and make it really, really good. I can't wait until it's done!

Sunday, November 14, 2010

Days are Getting Darker

It's November, and the days are getting shorter.

In Vancouver, this also means that the days are getting greyer. yuck. I do miss the sunshine.

I wonder if this is why I'm more receptive to Christmas already? It's a little happy, sparkly thing amongst the grey, dark days. Plus, I've been thinking about Christmas for weeks while submitting vacation requests at work. Did I mention that I have to work Christmas Eve and Christmas Day? So I've been thinking about the Christmas tree M and I are going to get (most likely a short, fake one that won't be intrustive in our apartment, but that we can decorate with all of our accumulated ornaments), and today I've been designing (in my head) the advent calendar I'm going to sew for M. I may go to the fabric shop Dressew tomorrow to shop for this particular project. And Christmas baking, too! I'd like to do Gingerbread, of course, and peanut brittle! mmm.

Tonight, though, I'm making quiche (with real crust) for the first time. It smells gorgeous and I can't wait to eat it! Part of me thinks I should wait until M comes home from soccer to eat it, but the other part says I really, really want it. It'll be good. It even has spinach and onion and bacon and white cheddar and two slices of Swiss cheese on it!