Less and Less

More and more at work, I keep thinking that I'm less and less suited to it.

I don't know if it's some sort of self-fulfilling prophecy (loss of interest = loss of drive. Not having drive nor interest doesn't necessarily leave me feeling like "one of the team"), or whether I just don't really belong in mental health, but I'm just not "feelin' it" lately.

I don't have much of a personal connection with the people I'm working with, and I don't feel like I'm able to learn much because I work with such a closed group of people. It's not their fault - they've just been working together for so long that it's hard to let others in. It really does make it tough to try and learn the ways of the unit (and there are lots of rules)...but even after learning "the rules," the place is like an onion. It doesn't take much to figure out what's going on on the top layers, but it takes a lot of work to peel all the layers down to the middle, so to speak. And I won't really get it all.

But of course, that doesn't help much either.

And I just learned that I'll be at work over the Christmas Holidays - 23rd, 24th and 25th. Extra lame, since absolutely everyone I care about will be anywhere but Vancouver. So I'll do may days at work and come home to an empty apartment. I'm considering going out for a fancy dinner on Christmas eve. Maybe the Fairmont has an opening...