Saturday, November 20, 2010

First City Snow!

Two days ago it snowed in Vancouver for this first time this year. It's the start of my first winter in the city! I'm really glad it snowed when it did...

Thursday at work was a really tough day. Of the 10 beds, 5 of the kids were under 1:1 supervision. 1:1 supervision means usually that they have a history of aggression or unsafe/unpredictable behaviour. Usually, we'll care for maybe 2 "1:1's" at a time. Having 5 is really unsual, and it ended up that way because a few children who were supposed to be safe during their stay ended up having aggressive meltdowns after being admitted.

So anyway, it was a day when kids were in and out of the seclusion room (or their bedroom, depending on whichever was closer) like it was a revolving door. At one point, the girl I was watching said "why are all the adults grabbing the kids all the time? It's like a jail!" I tried to keep in mind that her comprehension of the reasons why adults needed to hold kids and bring them to safe spaces was low, but it's really tough to hear. I just got really run down trying to be stoic and enforcing rules and being yelled at, and listening to kids crying (crying because they've been put in their room for hitting staff and being told they must complete a time-out), and feeling totally ineffective as a nurse and feeling like I just don't belong in that particluar workplace.

When I walked out the doors of the hospital after my 12 hour, gruelling shift was over, I started to cry. I'd been trying to keep things together for the sake of the team, so once I wasn't on the clock anymore, I just let it go. And it didn't help that I was being released to walk alone in the dark, in the pouring rain, to my bus stop a few blocks away.

But about half way to the bus stop, I realized that the rain wasn't as heavy anymore. Still as many drops, but...lighter. I looked towards the streetlamps and could see that much of the rain had turned to big, fat snowflakes. They were gorgeous. And they made me happy. I sat in a place on the bus so I could see the snow coming down in front of me. It wasn't much, but it really made

I was Thankful.

1 comment:

  1. I'm sorry you're having such a rough time. Is there a way you could transfer to a different part of the hospital?

    It's funny how the little things have the biggest impact on our mood. Glad the snow could offer some sort of relief from a crappy day.