A Little Nostalgia

This morning when I woke up, I didn't have much for plans. The in-laws stopped by midday and we went to Granville Island, which I always love doing. I think I got a bit of sun, though, and I ended up crashing into a nap at around suppertime after they'd left.

So M and I were planning on a quiet evening, but our friend, D, stuck his head into our apartment to tell M that something's up "boys only." I guess he and his girlfriend broke up. Blast. So, it turned into a boy's night and I stayed at home. But that was just fine with me. I made some tea, and started making a loaf of bread and a pan of brownies. I got sidetracked from the book I've been reading (Prince Caspian) by the pull of singing along to the Beauty and the Beast soundtrack, and then the Pocahontas soundtrack. It's 11:46, and the 2nd one is only just finishing now. I've also had Jude running around the apartment for a few hours. I'm hoping he tires out, but that's doubtful. In all, it's been a very peaceful and decadent Saturday night. A really good night in. Just one of those nights where you're really happy to be exactly who and where you are.

UPDATE: As part of some weird Karmic somthing-rather, I spilled my entire cup on tea on my computer keyboard after finishing this post. Of course.

Stupid lame cellphone company.

Let's make this a short story done in timeline.

Winter 2009/2010: Cellphone is on the fritz. Doesn't send text messages. Phone taken to store to get fixed. Phone still fritzes. Called tech support. temporary fix as must continue to call tech support to have problem fixed several times.

March 14, 2010. Takes phone to store to send away for repair. receives loaner phone.

JUNE 18, 2010. After much bemoaning, finally contact the store again to find out where my phone is. Still not returned by repair shop. Mother indicates that phone company called for me a few days ago but did not leave message.

June 18 @ 9am: realized that on work order, company has phone number listed from a year ago, which was TWO phone number changes ago. Alternate number is family home's.

June 18 @ 11am: Call to store. Store does not have my phone. Store indicates that they will try to contact repair shop and will call in "20 mins or so"

June 18 @ 3:15pm: Call to store. Store has not heard back from repair shop. Clerk indicates that "it's Friday, so I wouldn't expect to hear anything until Monday or Tuesday"

June 18 @ 3:16pm: F@$K!

I really just want to get the phone back. If it's missing, then I'm going to demand a new phone, of course. This whole ordeal has been BS, what with the THREE months delay, and the incorrect phone number (HOW is that even possible? They're the ones who give ME the phone number). I'm just getting really tired of this whole thing.

Sex and the City and a Solo Date Night

Last night was my equivalent of Saturday, so I decided to go out. No fiance. No girlfriends. Just me. I got all dressed up (it probably took me an hour to pick out what I was going to wear), did my hair and makeup, and walked the few blocks to the downtown movie theatre.

I, of course, went to the Sex and the City 2 movie. I think if it had been any other movie, M would have tried harder to come with me, but I was happy in the knowledge that he considered the first movie to be total drivel and he couldn't stand watching it. For me, it was a great little indulgence. I like doing that from time to time; eating in a restaurant at a table "for one", getting dressed up to go downtown without anyone. There's a lot of freedom in that - kind of like when you first get your driver's license and you realize you can go anywhere and not have to consider the needs of others. If you want to go left, you can GO left and not feel the need to ask permission.

Or you can wear whatever you want and not worry that you're over or under-dressed.

So the movie was fun, anyway. A little silly, but fun. Oh, and I'd like to point out that I've been wearing a metal clover charm around my neck since last year (many months before Carrie). Also, that 'Big's' diamond ring to Carrie -well, I guess it's a black diamond, but I initially thought it was a Sapphire - comes AFTER M's initial suggestion that I actually have a Sapphire stone in my engagement ring. So she's a little late there.

What I'm trying to say is that I'm much more fashion-forward than Carrie. (or not, but pipe dreams anyway)Carrie's Clover.My clover. Hers is probably much more expensive. The Cornish Pixie (Joan the Wad) pendant probably cost more. But I like wearing them both.

I went for a drink after the show (a Cosmopolitan, of course). It was a little surprising that there were so many bars open at 130am on a Monday, but I wasn't complaining. There weren't many seats at the bar where I ended up, so I sat next to an older man from the U.S. It turned out that he's been traveling for a while and needed some light company, so I was happy to oblige and he bought my drink in the end (he was told I was married, FYI). The company was nice, but the vibe I got was that he was nice, but nice in the way that I felt the need to remove my coat and reveal that I was wearing the rather revealing top underneath. Pleasant. But anyway, I finished the drink, thanked him for the company (he was very polite), and took a cab the few blocks back home. It was raining, and I was still hearing my 5inch heels, after all.

I slipped into bed and gave that man of mine a hug since I love him so much. I love evenings away, but I love coming back home even more.

Streeeeetch

So after I found my keys, I went out and purchased a yoga mat. Freshly out of the plastic (I took it off while I was walking from canadian tire to the yoga studio), I found this studio down town in Vancouver. I'll say, my first impression of the place was that it was a little unfriendly, and very over indulgent. The lady at the counter didn't say much to me, and the tour she gave me was like "ok, here is the sauna, the filtered water, the tea room, the ....blah blah blah expensive utilities blah blah blah." So I was feeling incredibly intimidated to begin with. But, I managed a quick chat with a woman who's been coming to the studio for a while and she assured me that the Yogi was really friendly and very supportive of newcomers. *phew*

I sweat lots (and waaay more than others, I think), and I stretched sooo hard. It was great. And I was tuckered out for the rest of the afternoon, but I think I'm going to go back tomorrow!

Keys found at 10:58.

Yess.

House Arrest

I'm stuck at home.

I definitely used my keys to get in last night and up to my apartment (you need a fob to get to your floor in the elevator), but this morning when I was all ready to hop to it to Canadian Tire to pick up a Yoga mat so I could go to Yoga for 1030, I realized my keys weren't where they usually are.

I looked around the house to no avail. Bonus: small apartment = few places a set of keys could hide. Keys are definitely not in my house.

They must be at my neighbour's house. We stopped by their place last night after satisfying M's craving for poutine. (good choice).

Guess who's still asleep at 10:50am. GRR.

So 1030 yoga is out.

Back up plan is to get the keys, get the mat, and go to a 1230 yoga class on Burrard. But if I don't hear from the neighbour soon, that'll be out the window.

Best laid plans.....

It went well...

I went to work today.

I neither died, nor caused Earthly shifts. Things went o.k. I even managed friendly chatter with my Primary case's mom. It went well. There's still lots of rather nutty things that go on at work (I mean, really...it's a psych ward), and things that are going to get under my skin (hello 18 year old patient who revealed to his primary staff that he's bisexual and has strong romantic feelings for younger boys, in particular, a 12 year old on our unit. F@#k.)

But I'm feeling much better about going back to work tomorrow.

Today? Well, some of you out there in the blogosphere will think I'm floofy, but while I was reading the Twilight books, I listened to the playlists posted here. I noticed that the website has taken down the actual playlist feature, but while I was reading the books, I set the corresponding playlist on loop. Maybe that's why I swooned. I had musical accompaniment. There's some good stuff. Check it out, fools!
For the record: as far asthe movies are concerned, Jacob's waaaay hotter. Edward's look leans towards crack addict. meow.

Two Months Later.

My last post was on April 16th. That's almost two months ago. I've just been doing all of my blogging internally. So for those of you not living in my head, here's the recap:

I've spent most of April just getting a hold of myself at work; where they keep the paperwork, who the kids are, who the staff are, where I fit, where I think I fit, what to tell people about who I am, what to hold back, what to learn, what do I already know, getting to sleep in time, what's my new morning routine, how do I juggle working 12 hour days and making healthy meals, where do I go shopping for groceries, what should I pack for lunch, do I pack breakfast and lunch or lunch and dinner for a 12 hour shift....

There's been a lot of my new life that I've had ot break in. It's still not all smoothed out, but I'm working on it.

Late April had me reeling from an enounter from a mentor-type person. The conversation was confusing and left me feeling like she thought I was a nincompoop and rather lazy. It was confuzing because there were mixed messages about the expectations of me from my superiors and I felt like I wasn't sure of where I stood until they already thought I hadn't done my job. It was a blow to the self esteem. Was I suited to this? Did I know what I was doing? Should I just give up? Well, it inspired me to be much more initiant (if that's a word) anyway. But I still find myself avoiding encounters with that colleague.

May was busy. I went to Kamloops twice. Once to visit family and to go to a friend's stagette party.

The next weekend was my birthday. I made the cake. It was delicious. Devil's food with icing made only from chocolate chips and whipped cream.
The Next trip back to Kamloops was for my Friend C's wedding. It was delightful and I couldn't be happier for them.

I'd been on the bus for 20 hours in May by the time I returned to Vancouver from that wedding. I could use a break from the Greyhound. uugh.

By June, I was chugging along at work. I was feeling settled and goal-oriented. I was creating great relationships with Staff (who started asking for my phone number and inviting me out to do things) and getting to know some of the "patients" in a way that was helpful and therapeutic. (If I call them "kids" from now on instead of patients, it's just because calling them that seems weird, work-wise. They're unwell, of course, but not in the physical sense...) I was already acting as a "primary nurse" for at least one of them (that means I'm always assigned to him/her when I'm working and I likely know them best and have the most defined care plan for them). I was feeling pretty good. Pretty relaxed.

Too relaxed.

I'm going to write about this next story only for cathartic reasons; everyone has/is going to say that it's "not my fault" but the guilt thing has been naggin at me and frankly, I'm having anxiety about going back to work tomorrow and having to work with this situation.

My "primary" kid returned from her weekend pass home to her family. She's got a history of depression and suicidal tenedncies. Things had been going well for her in the hospital. She was open to talking about her thoughts. It was a difficult progression, but it was (or seemed to be) progressing. So she returned to the hospital a 7:25pm, 5 minutes before I was supposed to leave. The short story is that I figured I could trust her so didn't do a real belongings/sharps check of her luggage.

Guess what she brought in to the hospital.

The next morning, I learn that she's tried to committ suicide. Shit. Shit Shit SHIT!!! AAARRRRHHHH!!D:ADIN:Q@E*({!@()$%&P#^*(_!!

Great.

Oh, and because of the bare-bones night shift staff combined with the suicide attempt (and subsequent trip to the ER) and another inpatient's abusive behaviour to another kid, neither my Primary's doctor OR HER PARENTS have been contacted.

Double Fuck.

Not only do I have to help my primary deal with the previous night's events, I also have to deal with all the phone calls and the anger and the upset and the worry.

And I've NEVER had to deal with an event like this before.

The social worker dealing with my primary ended up doing the guided imagery relaxation activity with both my primary AND me. I needed almost as must help as the people going through it.

Oh, yea, and because the mom was in a place of anger, she needed somone to blame. Guess who she chose. Just guess. She couldn't look at me. Not that day, not the day after. Maybe tomorrow...?

After the day after, I started by 5 days off from work. It couldn't have come at a better time. It's fairly unusual that I would get 5 days off in a row, and I'm so thankful that it came now. Until now I've been able to completely 100% forget about work the moment I step out of the hospital. I spent the last 5 days trying to forget. But it's rough. I went to church today to try and do some centering and working on self-forgiveness - drawing strength. One of the "prayers of the people
was to give strength to "doctors and nurses." I tried my best to feel that. But it was hard. And tomorrow is like facing the fears. We'll see how things pan out. Wish me luck. I'll need it.