"I Hope You Die and Get Raped in an Alley"

Sage words from a man I'd refused to buy an umbrella from "so [he] can buy some food since [his] stomach aches so bad coz [he hasn't] eaten and nobody cares" for $1.

I'd declined him politely, jokingly saying that I've already got an umbrella in my bag with me, but as I continued walking through an intersecation, I could hear him grumbling to himself before asking another unsuspecting couple. We ended up walking the same direction for about a block, at which time he unloaded the precious gem I wrote for a blog title today.

I generally do that kind of thing when homeless and street people ask me for money; smile and politely decline. I haven't got to the point yet where I'm jaded to them so I try to make myself feel better for not sharing my wealth by remembering that I'm a nurse who works with mental health kids and that I'm already doing my part to help vulnerable people. And the homeless people generally reply with the same smile-and-nod-but-try-to-make-you-feel-guilty-about-it look.

So I had a moment when he fired a pseudo-curse back at me. I thought "Well, jeeze. That wasn't a nice thing to say. Plus now I feel less comfortable walking around downtown alone tonight" (which is what I was doing). And then I realized that I'd hit the "no" wall. I'd told this guy NO. I meant it. And he got mad. AND his reply was certainly not one that was going to make me then want to give him something. I resolved that he was angry because he needs money not for food but for a fix of some sort and he's cranky because he's overdue. But it certainbly made me feel better about getting a bad response after I told someone no. Yay me! I'm still learning that trick. People can't always be told yes, so I can't expect that they're always going to be o.k. with being told no. And it's probably not personal. I just might get asked to Die.

Should I be ok with that?

Gosh, It's Nice Outside

Bonjour neige! Comment allez-vous? Je vous ai manque!

Snow just always feels more French. Something about snow hotels and Bonhomme de Neige/ Bonhomme Carnivale at Carnivale de Quebec maybe...?

But that doesn't much matter. Today, it's been snowing all over BC. Snow in Vancouver. Snow in Kamloops. Snow at Sun Peaks (fingers crossed!) for snowboarding tomorrow! Snow!

Sure, it's cold stuff and I harbour a deep hatred for all things that make me cold, but there's just something about snow that I like. I'm sure the same's for you too, reader. We have a love-hate relationship with it because it looks so nice, but it makes us lose control of our cars and drives our heating costs up....

I'm going to watch it fall while I make spaghetti and meatballs for my folks tonight. And then I'm going to help shovel it off of the driveway or else we won't be able to get out of the house tomorrow!

Lookin' good.


Update: Boy was that post cliche. I'm sure 1000 other bloggers wrote something similar. But I suppose I wasn't going to say that Snow can burn in hell....coz I guess it would never make it there (too hot, of course)

First City Snow!

Two days ago it snowed in Vancouver for this first time this year. It's the start of my first winter in the city! I'm really glad it snowed when it did...

Thursday at work was a really tough day. Of the 10 beds, 5 of the kids were under 1:1 supervision. 1:1 supervision means usually that they have a history of aggression or unsafe/unpredictable behaviour. Usually, we'll care for maybe 2 "1:1's" at a time. Having 5 is really unsual, and it ended up that way because a few children who were supposed to be safe during their stay ended up having aggressive meltdowns after being admitted.

So anyway, it was a day when kids were in and out of the seclusion room (or their bedroom, depending on whichever was closer) like it was a revolving door. At one point, the girl I was watching said "why are all the adults grabbing the kids all the time? It's like a jail!" I tried to keep in mind that her comprehension of the reasons why adults needed to hold kids and bring them to safe spaces was low, but it's really tough to hear. I just got really run down trying to be stoic and enforcing rules and being yelled at, and listening to kids crying (crying because they've been put in their room for hitting staff and being told they must complete a time-out), and feeling totally ineffective as a nurse and feeling like I just don't belong in that particluar workplace.

When I walked out the doors of the hospital after my 12 hour, gruelling shift was over, I started to cry. I'd been trying to keep things together for the sake of the team, so once I wasn't on the clock anymore, I just let it go. And it didn't help that I was being released to walk alone in the dark, in the pouring rain, to my bus stop a few blocks away.

But about half way to the bus stop, I realized that the rain wasn't as heavy anymore. Still as many drops, but...lighter. I looked towards the streetlamps and could see that much of the rain had turned to big, fat snowflakes. They were gorgeous. And they made me happy. I sat in a place on the bus so I could see the snow coming down in front of me. It wasn't much, but it really made

I was Thankful.

Meters and Meters

Today, I'm buying meters and meters of fabric!

I took the skytrain this morning to go to Fabricland to purchase a basic pattern, and then 13meters of broadcloth for sewing a demo wedding dress. Lots and lots of fabric! I can't wait to start sewing that one. The pattern isn't very difficult, but the hard part will be tailoring it to fit properly, and to make sure it's sturdy and supportive. I won't be describing the dress in too much detail because I know that M reads this blog and I don't want him knowing too much about it!

But, after coming back home and cleaning Jude's house, I have to trek out in the rain again to go to another fabric store. I'd bought a pattern for a dress/outfit to wear to a friend's wedding in December, and she wanted me to wear some sort of red to match M since he's a member of the wedding party. Anyway, Fabricland didn't have what I wanted, and Dressew will definitely have what I want. I'll be doing all of the buying today, and then maybe start on one of my three (I'm also making M an advent calendar made from fabric pouches that can be hung from the tree - or wherever) sewing projects tomorrow. So much crafting! yay!

I doubt sewing this wedding dress of mine will be an easy task, but I feel like if I start working on it now then I won't be stressed out about it later when it's crunch time. I (currently) ahve loads of time to work on it, and make mistakes, and tweak, and make it really, really good. I can't wait until it's done!

Days are Getting Darker

It's November, and the days are getting shorter.

In Vancouver, this also means that the days are getting greyer. yuck. I do miss the sunshine.

I wonder if this is why I'm more receptive to Christmas already? It's a little happy, sparkly thing amongst the grey, dark days. Plus, I've been thinking about Christmas for weeks while submitting vacation requests at work. Did I mention that I have to work Christmas Eve and Christmas Day? So I've been thinking about the Christmas tree M and I are going to get (most likely a short, fake one that won't be intrustive in our apartment, but that we can decorate with all of our accumulated ornaments), and today I've been designing (in my head) the advent calendar I'm going to sew for M. I may go to the fabric shop Dressew tomorrow to shop for this particular project. And Christmas baking, too! I'd like to do Gingerbread, of course, and peanut brittle! mmm.

Tonight, though, I'm making quiche (with real crust) for the first time. It smells gorgeous and I can't wait to eat it! Part of me thinks I should wait until M comes home from soccer to eat it, but the other part says I really, really want it. It'll be good. It even has spinach and onion and bacon and white cheddar and two slices of Swiss cheese on it!

Delish!

Happy Hallowe'en!

Don't get into too much trouble!


Here are some scary youtube videos to get you in the mood!
Ghosts, Spirits and Demons

Scary Ghost Pictures

Scariest Picture on the Internet (I couldn't even look at 9:30am! hah)

Less and Less

More and more at work, I keep thinking that I'm less and less suited to it.

I don't know if it's some sort of self-fulfilling prophecy (loss of interest = loss of drive. Not having drive nor interest doesn't necessarily leave me feeling like "one of the team"), or whether I just don't really belong in mental health, but I'm just not "feelin' it" lately.

I don't have much of a personal connection with the people I'm working with, and I don't feel like I'm able to learn much because I work with such a closed group of people. It's not their fault - they've just been working together for so long that it's hard to let others in. It really does make it tough to try and learn the ways of the unit (and there are lots of rules)...but even after learning "the rules," the place is like an onion. It doesn't take much to figure out what's going on on the top layers, but it takes a lot of work to peel all the layers down to the middle, so to speak. And I won't really get it all.

But of course, that doesn't help much either.

And I just learned that I'll be at work over the Christmas Holidays - 23rd, 24th and 25th. Extra lame, since absolutely everyone I care about will be anywhere but Vancouver. So I'll do may days at work and come home to an empty apartment. I'm considering going out for a fancy dinner on Christmas eve. Maybe the Fairmont has an opening...

Tea and Scones

Today I had a good friend over for tea. I haven't seen her in nearly a year and a half, so I'd gotten quite excited and baked fresh scones, whipped cream, took out a couple of the mini pies I'd baked, set out some chocolate truffles, and my fancy tea cups too.

As it turns out, her second life (she's a nurse too) is in raising her dog. She called him her "soulmate in dog form," which apparently her husband isn't too thrilled about. She loves her dog, but what I realized was that when she wasn't working, she didn't do much else. She loves her job!

Needless to say, it was difficult to get her to talk about anything but work. Even when I tried to steer the conversation away from work, it quickly made its way back. Sure, sharing stories about nursing was great since we both have very different experiences, but sometimes I worry that work gets the better of us. We forget that work is supposed to be the means to get what we want out of life - not the thing that becomes ourl lives. We need breaks. Of course we sometimes run into people who love their jobs so much that they can't think of doing anything else, but even then, it's that person loving their job. Their job isn't who they are - they just compliment each other. Our job shouldn't overtake us and who we are, otherwise we'd go nuts and become overexhausted. That's the point at which we've become "burnt out." It's a well documented phenomenon in nursing, anyway. Nurses who appear to love their job but who become so involved in it that it overtakes their lives end up leaving the profession because of the emotional strain.

I suppose that's the theme of the week. Learning to figure out who you are when you're not on the clock. Learning to let work stop when you leave. Allowing your friends and loved ones into your life without distancing them with constant talk of the thing you do when you're not with them already. Learning who you are without that professional label attached. This week, I'm a baker extraordinare! yess!

Hi Ho, Hi Ho....Ho Hum

Back to work. I called ahead to find out that there aren't any kids on the unit again, so it's going to be another lonely night. But this time, I'll be prepared. I'm bringing the first two discs of the first season of Mad Men, The Craft, and Rendition. Lotsa movies. And knitting. I've also got the tools and ingredients to make banana bread. So I suppose I won't be totally bored.

Stupendous.

So I arrived to work tonight to find out that there aren't any kids on the unit. (yay!) That's normal for a weekend - the kids go home to spend time with their families.

What wasn't normal was that I was then informed that since there weren't any kids, they also wouldn't need a second staff member over night. So I'm here, all alone.

On the bus ride to work, I'd been thinking about all of the time I've been spending alone. I was happy to have someone to hang out for the next twelve hours. So as happy as I was to have the place empty of kids, I was rather disappointed to be spending more time totally alone.

Oh, and a co-worker remind me before she left that the staff upstairs have been talking about how they think they've been seeing the ghost of a former employee who died last year. This place has got plenty of haunting stories - it used to be an army vet's hospital, and then for those years when it was out of use, a tv studio thought it looked creepy enough to film several episodes of X Files here. Great.

So I've got the next 10 hours or so to myself in a large, empty unit. And I may have to do the same tomorrow night, too.

Happy Hallowe'en.

The Adventurer

Today I went out to brunch with a couple of nurse-friends from work. Last night, a bunch of work-type friends all went out (myself included) to a local club to listen to great music, and to bid farewell to a co-worker who's going to travel all the way to Australia for an adventure in nursing. Well, it's more that she wants to travel, and working in nursing pays hella-better than working any place else.

I'll be sad to see her go. She was my mentor when I first started out and we had some good times. But traveling is her "second life." She's an adventurer.

I often see that with nurses. They come to work and do their job and pretend to be stable, upstanding, normal people, but when they're not at work they have completely different lives and ambitions. Some are musicians, some run online knitting shops, some travel, some (like myself) are theatre-types. It's all 100% non-nursing. I suppose it's that coping mechanism. What can I do/love/try/share that doesn't have to remind me about the work that I love, but that stresses me out and often pushes me to the brink of sanity?

I knit. I bake. I'm trying to cultivate my green thumb (I bought mint, a small rose, and some more soil and fertilizer today!). I allow my collection of painful but fabulous shoes to grow so I have something absolutely killer to wear when I get the opportunity to go out. I especially like it when I go out with work friends and they're totally surprised to see that I have a liking for 5" heels because all they every see me in is slacks, tshirts and sneakers at work. The life I live at home often feels very different from the life I'm supposed to pretend I live while at work. But that's ok. Like I said, often these double lives are coping mechanisms for dealing with the illnesses and issues we have to try and "solve" while at work.

It's impossible to cure the kids at work. In mental health, kids often come to the hospital just for assessments and adjustments to their medications. We try and help them learn ways of dealing with their illness, but we won't cure them. I have a tough time with that. I think that's why I'm experiencing such burnout while at work. I can't fix them. If I was to work in a medical-type unit, I could bandage the wound, or give pain medications. The kids would get fixed. Cured. But I can't do that where I work now. I don't feel like I see real success.

And that's why it's important to have a second life from the one you live at work. We work to get paid. Hopefully, it's while doing something we like to do. But even the things we like to do can get overwhelming, and we need a break. That break comes the moment I let the doors at work close behind me, and I remember that I have tickets for a new play, or have all the ingredients in my fridge for making delicous apple pie.

So, what's your second life?

Wednesday Night

So I'm watching America's Next Top Model, knitting, and I just put a frozen pizza in the oven. The dishes are ready to go in the dishwasher and I put all of my clothes away. I'm ready for an early bedtime, so hopefully I'll get lots of sleep and be uber rested for work tomorrow.

Sounds pretty good.

But today I also bought the makings of my Hallowe'en costume. It's another year where I don't feel like particularly anybody or anything, but rather I'd rather be "Not Sarah." A mask and wig will be used, though I'm going to keep it all under wraps until the 31st because I know M is cruising this blog and I want to keep it a secret from him, too. But it's wicked. And I can totally manipulate it so that I can wear it to work and be kosher for the kiddies.

I also bought a little red clown nose, just for kicks!

Whoopee for Hallowe'en!

Wedding Buzz

Some may know that M and I had some engagement photos done way back in July. I've had the photos for a while, but have neglected to share them! Here are a few...


Images by Lisa Bouthot www.lbphotography.ca

Going to See the Vampires Today!

In actual fact, I'm going to give blood today, at 1:30. It's an important service that I can do for others, and it means that I can have whatever I want for lunch today...

The first few times I tried to give blood, it just didn't work out - I almost fainted. Once, I nearly fainted while sitting at the cookie table afterwards, and they had to do the whole glucose tab thing. Then they told me that maybe I should just lay off trying to give blood for a year. My iron levels were fine, maybe I just wasn't ready. So I waited. And then two days before Christmas, two years ago, I did it. I gave an entire pint of blood and I didn't faint or nothing! I was so proud, and I gave M my donor card with the record of donation on it for Christmas (he's a long time donor, so I knew he'd be proud, too!)

So I'm still trying to give.

It's also my opportunity to be "high maintenence." Since I'm sitting stationary and usually unable to use my arms, I have to ask others to do things for me. I get the seat half-way reclined. I get a cool cloth on my forehead. I get a rubber glove filled with warm water to hold in the donating arm's hand. It takes me about 10 minutes to fill the bag, but when I'm done, I'm happy,and generally healthy!

So if you're interested in donating, call Canadian Blood Services at 1-888-2-DONATE!

Wish me luck!

Old Soul

Yesterday, someone at work told me she thought I was an "old soul." Is it the knitting? the baking? the letter writing?

The whole concept of having past lives is pretty far fetched, but how might one feel if they thought they did have a soul much older than their body?

It was rather a nice compliment, and it got me to thinking plenty about it....what say you?

Also, I'm working a night shift, so I'm rather sleepy and have lots of time to let my mind do a lot of wandering. That might be where this deep thinking is coming from. Maybe.

Ch-ch-ch check it out!

I should also post this youtube video of my brother promoting his place of work. Frankly, I love it. I didn't know he had this in him!

Holy Union, Batman!

So, I'm at work today, right. And a rep from BCNU (the BC Nurses' Union) came around to notify us that they were serving cold foods and free massages over lunchtime.

So of course I went - I've never had a real massage before. Food was ok, massage was real good. I feel quite relaxed at work now....still thinking about all of my work worries, but a little more relaxed about it.

But MAN - FREE massage! Like, on a table, with an RMT. About 20 minutes too. But of course, this is exactly what the union wants me to think...oh the union and their sneaky ways.

Well, anyways, I enjoyed it.

Hello, Friends!

It has come to my attention that I have been neglecting this blog. A lot. When was my last post again? Anyway, it's been a while. But it is a little nice to hear that others are reading it enough to notice (thanks, friends!)

I'll give you the quick low-down, as is my routine.

August: was spent working with the teenagers, seeing some theatre (Bard on the Beach, Glengarry Glen Ross with Eric McCormack), and trying to take in the sushine.

September: Went to Kamloops for my father's 60th birthday. Started to see Autumn creep into Vancouver. Started Nursing on the children's mental health unit. I think that's about when I really started neglecting writing to friends and blogging. That's when all the new nursing knowledge started getting crammed into my brain. There's a lot. It was rather like starting a whole new job, after just having become adjusted to the last job- new co-workers, new rules, new population, new modus operandi. New everything. For the past month, I've felt rather behind the eight ball. Most of what I feel I should know often comes from having kids and rearing kids, which of course I don't have. I spend a lot of time observing, and trying to learn all of the things that I think I should know in order to be able to do my job. That's a bit tough, though, when I'm never truly in an observational role - I always have a couple of kids of my own that I have to try and work with. For now, I just do the things I need to do to keep them safe. I try not to worry about the "extra" things that also need to get done, or the family counseling, simply because I don't have the skills to do them yet. (though I wish wish wish I could). I just try. Like on my very first day when I took two young girls outside to play, and who immediately got into a spat, "she hit me!" "did not!" "I hate her!" "she's mad at me" (running away to far corners of the playground) shout shout shout etc. I barely remembered being that age, let alone, worked with girls that age. I did my fair share of babysitting, but it was always boys. None had mental health challenges, and often the ones with additional care needs were only children, so I didn't have to worry about social things. But this job is totally different. And I'll learn.

October: Though last night, I thought to myself "maybe this job just isn't for me?" Being in mental health, you learn to check in with yourself a lot. And checkin in with myself last night, I wondered if all this anxiety about work was good for me. Sure, I'm learning. I'll be learning for a good long time. Sometimes being in new situations, and change, is challenging. That makes people anxious. Maybe that's me. Or, maybe this feeling just won't go away and I'm not meant to work with kids with mental health challenges. Maybe I'm meant to work somewhere else. I have, after all, been pining over working in the more medicalized parts of the hospital....

October also brought the change in colour of the leaves outside of my apartment window, the trip back home to visit friends and family for thanksgiving (yum!), and the visit to a friend who made the most delicious scones and who whipped whipping cream by hand to go with the jam on the scones. Delicious. October, I think, is the month for seeing friends again. Hello friends!

Bard Night!

Going to see "Much Ado About Nothing" at Bard on the Beach tonight!

Yay!

SOUP!

Didn't leave the house today except to go to a neighbour's place to get an egg. I definitely enjoyed an "inside, lazy" day. Did some knitting, spent some time on the internet lookin' stuff up (wedding stuff, for example), replied to some emails, watched some movies (including American Graffiti, which showed the same "Light&Fit" yogurt commericial at lease three times each commercial break which drove us crazy), and then decided to make soup from scratch. I'd never done that before, but it seemed easy enough: brown an onion with a little oil and garlic. Add the soup stock and carrots. Simmer. Add the other veggies (whatever I had in the fridge) and a little leftover chicken and some noodles. Simmer. Done. Oh, and for kicks, I simmered the onion originally in a little ginger and cumin. Good soup! I served it with toast with a little brie on it. om nom nom.

And I have chocolate-chip banana bread in the breadmaker for dessert later. I would consider this a productive lazy day, wouldn't you?

the picture of the soup is not my soup. But I'd like to learn how to make it!

The Fridays

I don't yet have anything real important to write about. I just wanted to write. But I'll figure it out while I'm here...

I guess I'll start by asking if anyone has any ideas about travel to Vancouver Island. M is going to visit some friends in Edmonton for the long weekend, but alas I cannot go with him because I have to work. But I DO have a couple of days off, so I thought I'd go on my own mini-vacation. Maybe to Gibsons? Has anyone been there? Anyone have any ideas? hmmm...

So now that the summer of 2010 is almost over I've started doing a lot of reflecting. What have I done with the time? Was is memorable? Did I do the things I wanted to do? Moreso, though, I've been thinking about how I've experienced this summer in relation to what last summer was like. I've already determined that last summer was wonderful and 100% memorable (and you can read about snippets of it in previous blog entries), so I guess it would be unfair to compare last summer to this in some ways...

But I'm blathering. What I was getting at is that on some level I feel like I've wasted this summer because I haven't done something totally awesome, but then I realize that one can't do awesome things all the time, and that there are waves in our lives where sometimes we are full of energy and drive and do crazy things, and sometimes we enjoy simpler, more relaxed things. Of course I wish I could work short days and go to see theatre every week and live where there aren't nearly as many expectations of me, but that's not where my life is right now. Hmmm, I sound like a Debbie Downer....All I mean is that I'm quite content with the way things are. Besides, next summer (with the wedding planning and all) will be plenty of excitement!

Now, let's post some photos!

Went to Kelowna in July with friends. There was a massive accident just east of Hope and we got stuck on the highway for hours...so we had to find things to do...like climb on top of signs!

Massive spoon at Pier 1 Imports. Reminds me of the Robert Munsch book "David's Father," where he has a giant for a dad. Otherwise, I'm not sure that the spoon is all that useful.

A friend took me sailing at the Jericho Sailing Club in Vancouver. This is where he let me be the skipper and drive the boat! Once, I got flustered and spun the boat in three or four tiny circles. This picture was taken just before the camera got wet and died. Boo.

The "Moment just after the engagemt" photo, taken in the Alps near Interlaken, Switzerland. I personally love this photo.

'Nuff said

hot Hot HOT!

It's 10am and already it's 25 degrees in Vancouver...and today's the day I'd invited my friends over for a big supper which I have to make, which includes baking and crock-potting. Me thinks that it's going to be warm today!

On the menu:

crock-pot ham
coleslaw
potato salad
green salad
hollowed 1/2 watermelon with vodka slushie!
corn
peach cobbler

I'm going to start baking the cobbler now so I don't have to do it when it's really hot out!

F*&@!

Happy Friday the 13th.

unlucky day.

And today's cherry: I broke a giant mirror.

Doubly unlucky.

Does that mean I get 7 years of back luck, squared, since it's on a Friday the 13th?

That's pretty much unluckiness for the rest of my life.

Lame.

(ps. Sorry for breaking your full-length mirror, M...)

Shift Twist

I got a call from work. They'd like me to come in at 6am rather than 730 to take a young girl to her nth round of ECT (electroconvulsive therapy)

Could be fun?

The good news is that I'll be off work at 2pm. So the day starts early but ends quickly and I get to do something rather different!

Summer In The City

It's August. We're midway through the summer already. Can you believe it!?

My city apartment has been great because I've been close to pretty well everything; Festival of Lights, live music, live theatre (the Lion King, Cirque du Soleil - squee!), and general hustle and bustle. I certainly wish that there was air conditioning, though. Summer nights are hot!

But what's the news lately?

News, hmm?

I'm happy to report that there isn't really any news. I'm quite enjoying going about my non-newsworthy business. Like watching a cheezy, live-action, sequel version of The Flintstones with M on a rainy Sunday afternoon. I have plans for some sewing and perhaps some knitting this afternoon.

Actually, over the last two days I've really enjoyed the cool, rainy weather. I've enjoyed bunkering down on the couch and putting in some relaxation time. Cuddling up in a blanket and wearing a sweater, too. mmm. The summer sun has just been sucking all of my energy. I never thought I'd look forward to Autumn, but I am! Bring it on!

Tonight, I think I'm going to make pizza with corn and BBq sauce (to share with all the boys, of course...) What are you going to make?

Third Day

I remember working full time at some not-so-glamourous jobs...5 days a week. And getting only two days off in between. This week, I'll have worked only three days. Three 12 hour days. Three 12 hour days that finish at 11pm.

I thought they would be easier because then I'd get to sleep in before work. And, that's what happened on the first day. But the next two days didn't feel like sleeping in. I was exhausted!

I'll tell you, I'll be so happy when 2300 hours rolls around tonight.

Zombie...?

So over the last few years, I've been getting these mysterious headaches in the middle of the night. they only happen once in a blue moon and they only last for about 30 seconds, but they hurt like hell (which is why, according to what I think I've learned on the internet, they're called Ice Pick Headaches). At first I thought they were maybe the result of sleeping with my head in a really weird position which strained my neck...but maybe not...ANYWAY...

So this morning, I had one. I'm usually in a deep sleep when they occur, so I'll just writhe in pain for the 30 seconds and then immediately fall asleep afterwards. Sometimes remembering I had them the next morning is like trying to remember a dream. So I was in this half-sleeping, writhing state, and I'm thinking "OW! My brain hurts!"

Except I'd said it out loud. Loud enough that I woke M up! "My Brain!"

HAHAHAHAHAHAA. It felt better soon...but M seemed a little freaked out like maybe I was having a zombie dream....

Werkin

It's 4:23 am. 0423hrs.

I'm over the witching hour. woot. A little bored, though I shouldn't be because I've got a pile of things to do. Well, not REAL nursing things. When I was hired, I was given an 'internship,' which basically means I was given a binder with a pile of things to learn and research and do. I've done most of these things- now I just have to type out the "good copies." blah. Boring. And even though I've got oodles of time to do that stuff in on a night shift, I'm horribly unmotivated. I'm quite happily listening to CBC radio 2 on the computer while snooping through long since estranged friends' Facebook profiles. And blogging.

Oh, and to make things more exciting, there's only one patient on the unit. She's been sleeping for hours.

Only three more hours to go! And then two more night shifts this weekend....

Spoke too soon?

\While I was trying to sleep in to prepare for my night shift tonight, I got a phone call from Rogers. I listened to the phone message. It went something like this:

"Hi Sarah. You are not going to believe this. I guess all of my perstering them got them to speed things up, but anyway, your phone came in this morning from the repair shop. They made a *lot* of changes. So I'm just going to send you this device in the mail and you should get it by Wednesday next week. Thanks, Bye!"

Wait. What? I wonder what she means by "they made a lot of changes." I sent it away because of a software problem...Is it now a different colour? And why didn't she send the phone YESTERDAY after she called me? Why was she waiting until today to send the phone she told me she was sending?

Whatever. I'm going to have to call Rogers and find out what these changes are.

***UPDATE*** I called Rogers. The lady said that while they were fixing my software, they also replaced my screen and my slider, amongst other things. Not so bad, I guess...but I would have wished they could have done it all al little quicker!

Verdict

I'm getting a NEW phone in the mail from Rogers!

Success!

Now, I'll have to figure out a) if I'm going to get a mini SD card (because I have one, but it's in the old phone...) and b) if the phone will have been activated so it's ready for use when I get it in the mail next week.

It's a Samesung Gravity t456 in Green and Grey. I hope it was a good choice!

Cell Phone Day!

P.s. Today's the day I hear about my phone!!!!

This Night Shift Thing Isn't Working.

Last night I'd resolved to stay up late in order to try and keep some "up-all-nightedness" since I I have to work a couple more night shifts this week. "3am. That'll probably be a good hour to try and stay up until..." So I let Jude out of his cage for a nice long run-around and settled into some knitting in front of the tv.

Soon, M went to bed and I was left alone...

At about 1am, I realize I haven't heard any hampster scritch-scratching around the apartment. Hmm. Maybe he's curled up in a corner for a nap.


I check out all of his hiding spots. nothing.

Did he get past all my barriers and crawl underneath the fridge again? I lay down and listen for signs. Nothing.

Then, while lying on the floor near the friedge, I see the little fleeting brown head of Jude popping out from a corner of a cabinet in the kitchen! I fly over and open the cabinet door....and realize he's not in the cabinet, he's UNDERNEATH the cabinet. The cupboard right next to the wall had a hole left by the carpenters approximately 2 inches wide, and Jude had climbed in! I was getting flashbacks of how my last few hampsters died - by crawling into my beddroom walls and getting lost (I would guess) and never returning. Shit. So a put some peanut butter on a spoon, held the spoon up to the hole and blew the fumes in.

And then I waited.

And waited.

Eventually, he did come out. I figure that the space was only a few inches wide and extended only the length of the side of the cupboard, so he was bound to get bored eventually when he realised he couldn't go anywhere else. And I put him back in his cage right after that. I think he only spend about another hour on his wheel before he tucked himself into bed.

At any rate, I stayed up until 3am by watching some ramdom matchmaking show on mtv. I crawled into bed, happy that maybe I'd sleep until the afternoon.

But no such luck.

I woke up at 11am. exactly 8 hours later. Damn my circadian rhythm and it's decision to have me need exactly 8 hours of sleep. NOW what am I supposed to do!

I'm going to go and dress for the day and clean the apartment. Lame.

Photo Archive

Canyoning in Switzerland. I'm abso-freakin-lutely frozen, but incredibly happy to be jumping off cliffs...
Monument Valley, 2009 - the view from the Cessna (M almost can't believe my little brick-like camera took this photo. It did)
M and Me at Highschool graduation!
T and B at the may wedding of a friend!

Raine Maida at the Our Lady Peace Concert in May. Yes, I was that close. Wicked show, too!

Awake Now

It took a cold shower and a few more hours of being lazy around the house, but I think I'm finally awake.

The only lame bit is that I'm going to have to try and stay up late when everyone else is going to be going to bed. Maybe I'll catch up on some knitting and some letter writing.

Yesterday I had to prep for doing a night shift. Usually, I try to stay up really late the night before so I can sleep in, but I woke up at 8am. I decided I'd try to just tire myself out so I'd nap well in the afternoon. Off to Stanley park for the morning! I wasn't in the mood for a run, so I geared up for a nice long walk all the way around the park.

Ok. This picture was supposed to illustrate my planned route, but it's impossibly small and hard to read. Anyway, it's supposed to take 8km to walk along the seawall around the park. I wanted to take a path through the centre of the park to get away from the cars and people, but I ended up getting lost, and found out that I'd missed the only crossing of the major road through the park, so I never made it to the West side of the park. But I did find Beaver Pond!

It was a nice walk, but by the time I came back to the bus loop, it was 1130 and getting really hot. I suppose all that sun and sweat worked for the best, though, because I slept all afternoon!

Night Shift

uuugh.

Night shift last night. I have three more to deal with this week. It's three pm. I feel wretched. I won't pain you with much more blogging today.

Monday Morning Musings

Back in Vancouver.

I suppose I never mentioned that I left. I went to Kamloops for the long weekend with M and we signed up for a car co-op to get there. Drove a little red Mazda protege. Rather cute. On the drive home, I told M: You know, I don't really mind using public transit around the city, but I have a feeling that in about a year we're going to want to get a car of our own. He agreed. It's true. Getting to work on the bus is a breeze, and I don't have to pay for parking. But it sucks not being able to just go anywhere else, or hop in the car and go on a tour of the coastline. Two weekends ago, my dad came down for a visit and we didn't have any real plans for things to do, so we jumped into the Subaru and drove up the sea-to-sky highway to Squamish. When we got there, we all got ice cream at McDonalds and then promptly turned around and started driving back. A pointless trip, but I'd never been that way before so it was a fun adventure. So we're here now, but have little means of getting out of the city, which by the way, we're both learning we're not actually all that fond of anymore....

While back in Kamloops, we both talked about how nice it is to have so much free green space, and lawn, and trees and open sky. The little apartment has trees outside, yes, but neither of us realized how much having a concrete-covered world was getting to us. Our lease is up in a year, and I'm thinking that we won't end up renewing it in favour of finding someplace that isn't directly downtown...

I also think I'm starting to gear up my knitting. I started thinking about Christmas already...ee!

OH! CELL PHONE NEWS! After much ado and calling the store and telling them I was coming to Kamloops last weekend, I went to the store on Friday. Lady at the store knew me - apparently my name's been floating around the office. No phone yet, but it "should be coming, sorry." I told her I'd only be in Kamloops until Saturday and that I'd be back.

On Saturday I went back with M in tow. One of the first things she said was "Oh, is that who I talked to on the phone (referring to M), the mean one?" The mean one? What!? The whole interaction was rather weird because she called me the "nice one" and flip flopped as to what she could and couldn't do for me about this phone, and wouldn't committ to anything. The poor girl was obviously flustered and I could tell she was trying her best -which I told her - but I just wanted my phone back. Without M along, I likely wouldn't have had much for results, but with him there, we got her to committ to something! She promised that on Thursday of this week, *A* phone will be sent in the mail to me, whether it's my old phone, or the new phone I picked out in the store. She's going to call me on Thursday and let me know which one I'm going to get. I have a feeling it'll be the new one, because from what she told us, for the phone to be taking this long, it must be unrepairable. I'll let you know.

A Little Nostalgia

This morning when I woke up, I didn't have much for plans. The in-laws stopped by midday and we went to Granville Island, which I always love doing. I think I got a bit of sun, though, and I ended up crashing into a nap at around suppertime after they'd left.

So M and I were planning on a quiet evening, but our friend, D, stuck his head into our apartment to tell M that something's up "boys only." I guess he and his girlfriend broke up. Blast. So, it turned into a boy's night and I stayed at home. But that was just fine with me. I made some tea, and started making a loaf of bread and a pan of brownies. I got sidetracked from the book I've been reading (Prince Caspian) by the pull of singing along to the Beauty and the Beast soundtrack, and then the Pocahontas soundtrack. It's 11:46, and the 2nd one is only just finishing now. I've also had Jude running around the apartment for a few hours. I'm hoping he tires out, but that's doubtful. In all, it's been a very peaceful and decadent Saturday night. A really good night in. Just one of those nights where you're really happy to be exactly who and where you are.

UPDATE: As part of some weird Karmic somthing-rather, I spilled my entire cup on tea on my computer keyboard after finishing this post. Of course.

Stupid lame cellphone company.

Let's make this a short story done in timeline.

Winter 2009/2010: Cellphone is on the fritz. Doesn't send text messages. Phone taken to store to get fixed. Phone still fritzes. Called tech support. temporary fix as must continue to call tech support to have problem fixed several times.

March 14, 2010. Takes phone to store to send away for repair. receives loaner phone.

JUNE 18, 2010. After much bemoaning, finally contact the store again to find out where my phone is. Still not returned by repair shop. Mother indicates that phone company called for me a few days ago but did not leave message.

June 18 @ 9am: realized that on work order, company has phone number listed from a year ago, which was TWO phone number changes ago. Alternate number is family home's.

June 18 @ 11am: Call to store. Store does not have my phone. Store indicates that they will try to contact repair shop and will call in "20 mins or so"

June 18 @ 3:15pm: Call to store. Store has not heard back from repair shop. Clerk indicates that "it's Friday, so I wouldn't expect to hear anything until Monday or Tuesday"

June 18 @ 3:16pm: F@$K!

I really just want to get the phone back. If it's missing, then I'm going to demand a new phone, of course. This whole ordeal has been BS, what with the THREE months delay, and the incorrect phone number (HOW is that even possible? They're the ones who give ME the phone number). I'm just getting really tired of this whole thing.

Sex and the City and a Solo Date Night

Last night was my equivalent of Saturday, so I decided to go out. No fiance. No girlfriends. Just me. I got all dressed up (it probably took me an hour to pick out what I was going to wear), did my hair and makeup, and walked the few blocks to the downtown movie theatre.

I, of course, went to the Sex and the City 2 movie. I think if it had been any other movie, M would have tried harder to come with me, but I was happy in the knowledge that he considered the first movie to be total drivel and he couldn't stand watching it. For me, it was a great little indulgence. I like doing that from time to time; eating in a restaurant at a table "for one", getting dressed up to go downtown without anyone. There's a lot of freedom in that - kind of like when you first get your driver's license and you realize you can go anywhere and not have to consider the needs of others. If you want to go left, you can GO left and not feel the need to ask permission.

Or you can wear whatever you want and not worry that you're over or under-dressed.

So the movie was fun, anyway. A little silly, but fun. Oh, and I'd like to point out that I've been wearing a metal clover charm around my neck since last year (many months before Carrie). Also, that 'Big's' diamond ring to Carrie -well, I guess it's a black diamond, but I initially thought it was a Sapphire - comes AFTER M's initial suggestion that I actually have a Sapphire stone in my engagement ring. So she's a little late there.

What I'm trying to say is that I'm much more fashion-forward than Carrie. (or not, but pipe dreams anyway)Carrie's Clover.My clover. Hers is probably much more expensive. The Cornish Pixie (Joan the Wad) pendant probably cost more. But I like wearing them both.

I went for a drink after the show (a Cosmopolitan, of course). It was a little surprising that there were so many bars open at 130am on a Monday, but I wasn't complaining. There weren't many seats at the bar where I ended up, so I sat next to an older man from the U.S. It turned out that he's been traveling for a while and needed some light company, so I was happy to oblige and he bought my drink in the end (he was told I was married, FYI). The company was nice, but the vibe I got was that he was nice, but nice in the way that I felt the need to remove my coat and reveal that I was wearing the rather revealing top underneath. Pleasant. But anyway, I finished the drink, thanked him for the company (he was very polite), and took a cab the few blocks back home. It was raining, and I was still hearing my 5inch heels, after all.

I slipped into bed and gave that man of mine a hug since I love him so much. I love evenings away, but I love coming back home even more.

Streeeeetch

So after I found my keys, I went out and purchased a yoga mat. Freshly out of the plastic (I took it off while I was walking from canadian tire to the yoga studio), I found this studio down town in Vancouver. I'll say, my first impression of the place was that it was a little unfriendly, and very over indulgent. The lady at the counter didn't say much to me, and the tour she gave me was like "ok, here is the sauna, the filtered water, the tea room, the ....blah blah blah expensive utilities blah blah blah." So I was feeling incredibly intimidated to begin with. But, I managed a quick chat with a woman who's been coming to the studio for a while and she assured me that the Yogi was really friendly and very supportive of newcomers. *phew*

I sweat lots (and waaay more than others, I think), and I stretched sooo hard. It was great. And I was tuckered out for the rest of the afternoon, but I think I'm going to go back tomorrow!

Keys found at 10:58.

Yess.

House Arrest

I'm stuck at home.

I definitely used my keys to get in last night and up to my apartment (you need a fob to get to your floor in the elevator), but this morning when I was all ready to hop to it to Canadian Tire to pick up a Yoga mat so I could go to Yoga for 1030, I realized my keys weren't where they usually are.

I looked around the house to no avail. Bonus: small apartment = few places a set of keys could hide. Keys are definitely not in my house.

They must be at my neighbour's house. We stopped by their place last night after satisfying M's craving for poutine. (good choice).

Guess who's still asleep at 10:50am. GRR.

So 1030 yoga is out.

Back up plan is to get the keys, get the mat, and go to a 1230 yoga class on Burrard. But if I don't hear from the neighbour soon, that'll be out the window.

Best laid plans.....

It went well...

I went to work today.

I neither died, nor caused Earthly shifts. Things went o.k. I even managed friendly chatter with my Primary case's mom. It went well. There's still lots of rather nutty things that go on at work (I mean, really...it's a psych ward), and things that are going to get under my skin (hello 18 year old patient who revealed to his primary staff that he's bisexual and has strong romantic feelings for younger boys, in particular, a 12 year old on our unit. F@#k.)

But I'm feeling much better about going back to work tomorrow.

Today? Well, some of you out there in the blogosphere will think I'm floofy, but while I was reading the Twilight books, I listened to the playlists posted here. I noticed that the website has taken down the actual playlist feature, but while I was reading the books, I set the corresponding playlist on loop. Maybe that's why I swooned. I had musical accompaniment. There's some good stuff. Check it out, fools!
For the record: as far asthe movies are concerned, Jacob's waaaay hotter. Edward's look leans towards crack addict. meow.